Author: nevilleholly@bellsouth.net

I know this is silly, but without you, you are nothing. How often I hear from my friends, my patient’s parents… Even sometimes from myself.. That there just isn’t a way to “fill in the blank”.  That blank may be exercise, go to the doctor, lose weight, take time to relax, work out problems with your spouse. The list goes on and on… But the excuse is usually the same two “because of the kids” or “I don’t have time”.

  Well listen up. If you don’t take care of Numero Uno then who is going to take care of those kids, your friends, your family,You? If you are not healthy- physically or mentally- then you are not at your best. You are not the best mom you could be, friend, lover, spouse, listener, worker, person. 

It’s time, and there is time. There is always time to do what is necessary. What is important. But you have to devote time to your own wellness. Too tired to exercise? Those 30 mins that you get up early will pay off with hours more energy during the day. The counselor or doctor appointment may add years to your life or spare you hours of circular discussion. No one can do it for you. 

It time. Get up. Get out. Be true to you.

With you, you’re amazing.

A few years ago, there was a movement to rid your house and your life of mirrors… Take away the concern, the obsession, over our physical attributes. Getting rid of the mirror? It doesn’t change anything… Or I don’t think it does… The underlying problem isn’t what’s in the mirror… It’s your perception of what’s in the mirror. And you believe that perception … Whether you see it 24/7 or not. 

The house I live in had, before I remodeled it (thank goodness) a mirrored bathroom… Ceiling, doors, walls… Everything but the floor (phew)…. Very Miami. But, guess what? My girls loved it. They spun around in it, danced, sang songs as though they were the next American Idols. They cried when I remodeled it to make room for another much needed bathroom. Adult women, however, were appalled at the idea. Every flaw, every bit of flab reflected to infinity…”No wonder you’re so thin” my friends would say as if the fear of my own reflection would sear my lips closed….banish the Breyers vanilla ice cream from my freezer… Why are we so insecure? Why do you have the impression that other women aren’t? Or shouldn’t be? I so often hear “she is so lucky” “has the perfect body” etc, etc…Beyoncé may be fabulous, incredibly talented, etc, but one listen to her song “Pretty Hurts” and you recognize she knows insecurity. It’s human. Industries have been built and thrive, feeding off the fuel of our low self esteems.  Plastic surgery – starting in our teenage daughters and continuing into our elderly. Make up, Botox, keratin… You name it. Truth be told, I like to dress up.. Paint my nails and put on makeup. Pretty hurts… But I feel pretty without it too. I feel pretty good, pretty healthy, pretty competent, even pretty much a mess sometimes. 

And you?  What does your mirror tell you? Mine tells me I should get reading glasses as the #11 is getting deeper from the strain of reading. Mine tells me I laugh and smile ALOT from the deep lines etched around my eyes and forehead. Mine tells me I look like my mother with the same grey stripe down the right side of my hair. Mine tells me that I resemble my son and daughters.. I see refections of some of their features. Mine tells me I exercise and eat well. It tells me that I nursed 3 children well over a year each and that I stand alot. After 30 something, I noticed something else in my mirror… Comfort. Sure there are things that don’t look like the models on the cover of Cosmo… But there’s plenty of good here too.. The better I feel, the more confident I am, the better I eat, the less I take in toxins like junk food or wine that I eat to “feel better”, the better I work, the better I love my friends, my family, myself…the better I look, the better I feel… It’s a cycle. 

The unhealthy cycle is true too, right…? When you’re down, you’re tired, energy sapped, you don’t exercise… You don’t have time.. You eat poorly.. You feel bad… You feel that you look bad….your reflection lies to you. It allows you to perceive that how you feel is how you look.

Try this… Think about a single”flaw” and what it means to you… Could it be that the flaw is from that beautiful child of yours? Your crooked nose is the same as that of your beautiful mother? Did your flat chest feed your now incredibly healthy viviacious son? Do your wrinkles show that you have either roughed it out through hard times or laughed and smiled your way to where you are now?

Break the cycle. 

Stand up and look in the mirror. Smile, Sing, dance… Like you are the next American Idol.. I’m pretty sure there is someone beautiful looking back at you. Take her back.