Get your Goddess on.

I went to yoga recently and the teacher had us do about 50 goddess poses… And hold them for 5-20 breaths each.  She stated in the middle of the last and longest goddess (during which my thighs convulsed in such a way that I’m not sure how I stayed standing) that doing something like this required your inner goddess. 

Inner Goddess? Hell Yes! I’ve  got one and she rocks ..but she’s a bit of a bitch, so I also have a little whiny super chatty princess too. Ying-yang, dark- light, good-evil (I’m not sure which is which sometimes).  I wasn’t sure how to word it before .. The compulsive mean me… The one that’s goal driven, super competitive and kind of bitchy = Goddess. The whiny princess is annoying but I think sometimes keeps me from getting injured or fired…. 

So, I’m swimming in the pool at the University of Miami, Apple Watch on (against manufacturers recommendation) so that it doesn’t wrongly accuse me of laziness (so far, so good). I’m training for a 2 mile open water swim. Sometimes it’s hard for me to self motivate unless I have a goal.. With a date… Signed up for and paid for. Otherwise… It’s just another day and I don’t really feel like exercising…. The whiny princess takes control. And I’m the queen of excuses.

The amazing thing is that once I start exercising, I’m compulsive. Truly. So today I’m swimming. This pool is beautiful and as I push off the wall I love the way the water feels around my body, like it’s propelling me forward, supporting me. I wonder if that’s what it feels like to birds when they fly. De-lightful! The goddess takes the reins.  I just love the way it feels once you get going.. Whether running or swimming or… Well actually I never ever get that feeling while cycling. Sorry cyclists… There is something for everyone.. And I just feel like cycling to the nearest ice cream shop and getting a little snack. 

I always mentally design a workout before I start.. Because without that I WILL stop early and I choose intervals so that I don’t just hang out…. And then it starts… The mind games, the competition, the compulsion. Last night I decided to swim 6 500’s to total 3000 yards plus a little cool down (like 50 yards.. I tell myself 200… But I know myself and I know that’s a pipe dream..  the princess- knowing that I’ve finished the “real work” is going to lift my butt out of the pool convincing the goddess that all is good with this 45 year-old-stiffer-than-an-embalmed- mummy body and no stretching or cool down required.. What could possibly go wrong?

Each 100 has to be faster or the same as the last and each 500 has to be faster than the 500 before… It’s started… Game on. Can’t stop… Who does this to themselves? I actively question that but the compulsive goddess retorts that it helps keep track of the laps…

The princess gets tired, maybe a little bored … Starts looking at the incredible six pack swimming next to me… I’m quickly commanded to swim faster.  “What you do once you can do twice and again and so forth”. Flip, glide, 2 dolphin kicks…. Dear god I need air! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! What if it does kill us? Whiny little princess B**ch… Quads cry, lungs squeeze.. Six pack glides by in the next lane. There is really something to be said for swimmers bodies. Was that 6 or 7 laps? Stop looking at 6 pack!! You’re getting distracted! Well yes I am! Faster and faster. I often wonder why the hell I do this! And why does it feel so good! And what this must look like to a far away planet above… What are they doing swimming back and forth in that pool? Generating electricity? And the same for running… My husband runs marathons? What on earth?! Running for 4 hours and maintaining the same pace? Well not for me.. I have some “GI issues” (that’s code for I will poo in my pants) if I run too far. Honestly.. Thank god or the goddess might want to try that too, but goddesses don’t like poopy skorts.

Sometimes I have guilt that while some people are fighting for their  lives, their homes, their families… Walking for necessity.. Here I am jogging around a beautiful neighborhood or taking an hour to swim back and forth playing crazy mind games with myself.

Why do we do this? One word. Sanity. The mental struggle between the compulsive me and the distracted me is never ending. All the stressors of the day, week and year come up, get mulled over and then get purged out by the compulsive me in that pool or during that run (not biking.. No purging with biking..just snacking.. I always need a destination). Thoughts come and dissipate with each flip, each glide and each hypoxic event. 

The goddess gets tired. Gives up the battle after achieving the goal. When I get home or to work, I’m chill.. Less confrontational.. Less nitpicky.

I feel healthy. I feel a sense of achievement and if I don’t hit my goal, I have something to work towards the next time.  Get out there and get your Goddess on! (And tell that whiny bitch to shut it down for a bit)

❤️