It’s a new year in the medical world… Like a big fat nation wide birthday. Celebrations at every turn. Tears, cheers, good byes and hellos. Happy Hours, graduations, welcome dinners…. Cocky faced seniors strutting from place to place preparing for their next stage in their careers are replaced by wide eyed children.. Omg.. some really look so young!!!!… entering the hospitals for their first duties as Doctor. New attending shakily take the reigns and understand, for possibly the first time, the humility of a job in medicine.  

I’m mesmerized each year by the transition… At work, and at home… Each year I walk my kids to school. It is always the same walk, but the children change. Initially, with my son alone, then my son and daughter while I toted along the baby.. Then my two daughters, and this year just the “baby” will walk to school… And then no one…. Each year a photograph at the start of the year shows them, lunch box in hand, heading off to a new school year. Same place, same time… changing children.  I don’t need the photographs. The memories of walking that walk and the hands that I’ve held are marked indelibly into my mind.

My oldest now stands taller than me, my middle child has gone off on an exchange trip to another country for two weeks and my youngest seemingly grows so fast that she sometimes appears different in the morning from he night. My medical students have turned residents, fellows and attendings… They’ve married.. They’ve come back after training to become my partners, my colleagues. But when I look at myself, I oddly see the same me. I don’t feel old. Sure, I see the wrinkles… The lines extending around my eyes and nose and now into my lips. But, what have I done? Like Angelina Jolie said, and she clearly has done, (I’ll be honest.. I never really liked her due to the whole husband stealing thing… But the lady really does have a few big positives in my book) is that she wants to live a useful life. Me too, and I feel like I’m not accomplishing it. The clock is ticking and what have I done?

Right before my mom turned 70 (sorry, Mom!) she really caught me off guard by saying that she felt like at 70 her life was nearing the end, and yet, she hadn’t done anything. I couldn’t believe it! Honestly, it really shocked me. She had a successful career and served as an invaluable asset to the church that she worked at for many decades. She raised 3 kids to all become successful adults, she provided financial stability to our family in years of crisis. She taught us all to swim, to cook, to play tennis and cards, and to respect people from all walks of life. She showed us how to love, how to live and age and accept our successes and failures with grace. She volunteers and reads to children in schools. And yet, she felt as though she hadn’t made the impact she could have. 

To some extent, I get it. The clock is unforgiving. It ticks on cruelly while we struggle with the tasks of the day.. Work, school, homework, kid’s after school activities, sports, cooking, cleaning… And while I undoubtedly take truly great joy in each of these things (except laundry.. I hate the laundry), I feel like I can do more. How can I serve? 

My goal for this year (measured in the school year in which I live): Do more for others. Be useful. Live a useful life. Join me?

❤️