I started running again… I will say one thing (well truthfully, I say LOTS of things) but at age 45, I CAN physically do everything I want, but somethings take a little more effort… And getting back to running is one of them. So, I’ve got music going and I’m pep talking my feet, my legs, my heart… And trying to pep talk my brain… My brain, it doesn’t really get a pep talk, it turns more into a schizophrenic arguement… “Run! Come on!” “I don’t want to… I want to look at this house and walk a little” “No! Run!” “Really, I’ve checked in with feet, legs and all and we vote we walk a little” ” No! Shut up and Run!” .. A negotiation invariably ensues.. So up goes the music… A little louder to drown her out. I wonder, really, how my friends and family deal with her. I’m at mile 2 and Usher’s song “Looking 4 Myself” comes on and it really gets to me. In fact, I finish the run hardly noticing that I’m running because I am so stuck on the concept.  We women so commonly have a hard time finding our true selves. We are peacemakers. We are the ones who want to make our teachers happy, friends happy, parents happy and then significant others happy… But in the process it’s so easy to get lost! What happened to me?!? What was it that I wanted to do? Who do I want to be?

And then… “ran right into you” (ooh ooh ooh ooh.. Go ahead sing it, baby). That’s right. We’re out there, out of our parents homes, out in the “real world” seeking to define ourselves and we run right into them. Here is where it gets tricky… Do you have yourself? Are you whole? Defined? And you add that other person into your life? Do you share your true you? Or, do you let them define you.. Do you transform your you into what they are looking for.. What makes them happy..

I did that.. Like so many of my friends.. I was quite driven by my career. I knew what I wanted and I set out to get it, but personally I floated like a ship without a compass. By the time I had kids, they never saw the me as I did, they didn’t know that I was a really good cook, they didn’t know that I was artistic or played the piano. They didn’t know that I loved to be silly or that in the water I feel so comfortable I almost don’t feel the need to breathe… I didn’t let me out… Too risky..

For me, the drive to find myself came suddenly. A set of professional photos had been done for advertising at work and when I saw them I was shocked and angry. I was old! And I wasn’t happy…The last 10 years I had spent promising myself that I would be me, find myself, make it better, make a difference…. Find the me that was happy. But I hadn’t. I had worked hard professionally, and personally I had avoided every confrontational situation possible with myself and those around me. 

That did it. I pulled the me I wanted to be out of storage and dusted her off… Exercised her, fed her healthy food and stayed true to my promise to be myself and share that me with my kids, friends and family. 

You don’t need to look far.. You’re right there.. Under the stress and commitments and desire to keep those around you happy. Who is it that you want to be? What does it take to get from point A – where you are now- to point B- where you want to Be! 

For me, it was a commitment to be true to myself. Be healthy. Be there for my kids- physically & emotionally. Be there for my friends. Find love… From myself and from someone else and while we always change, change in a way that is true to me.

Are you looking 4 yourself? Well, go and get you back! You’re right there, you’re beautiful and you have a lot to offer. Share your talents with your kids, your friends. You can run right into you! (Ooh ooh ooh ooh)… Sing it, baby.. I know you want to! ❤️