For the last 5 years I’ve given the same piece of “wisdom” to countless medical students, friends, residents and colleagues… Men and women, alike: love is love, lust is lust, and marriage is a business contract. Well, factually and actually it is… But it’s so much more. My words have burned of bitterness, lit by an unhappy marraige that ended with significant financial consequences. After all, if you make a good living and you saved money well, your spouse is entitled to take half of that with them… Unless you spell it out in the contract. So, as I count down the last 4 months of the marital settlement package, I repeat over and over how lucky we women are to be recognized finally as equals… We vote, work.. And pay alimony.

So, guess what? I’m in love.. And lust… And I’m getting married again… NEXT month! My cynical little chant now takes on new meaning… I feel bad saying it.. Thinking it… But a component of it still is, right? 

But for all the reasons that I look forward to being a Mrs, I feel very strongly about the contract and making it our contract, meeting our needs. Like planning your own wedding bash at 45… It’s different than in your 20’s. We are doing this for us.  We are doing this as a celebration of spending our lives together.

So, for the people who tell me (over and over) that a prenup is unromantic, spoils the wedding, plans for divorce, I say this. I prenup gives you an open understanding of the financial relationship you are entering. It allows you to plan for the future together, it permits you to work on your relationship without fear of financial repercussions, it makes provisions for the untimely death of a partner and being sure that the widow or widower is taken care of properly, it shows respect for each other… And yes… If God forbid it doesn’t work out and I find my soon to be husband sunning himself on the miami beaches with a hot miami mama, well, I know what will happen. The rules are there.

I’ve learned a lot since my 20’s about love, relationships, mutual respect, communication and understanding and am 100% committed. I now truly believe that you can’t choose who you fall in love with, but you can most definitely choose who you stay in love with. 

In the end, love, lust and marriage are two way streets and you have to do what keeps your highway running smoothly. 

I’m in love, I’m in lust, and I’m going to sign the contract.