Please don’t make me look at you. I hear you… Each of you. All of you. I hear your concerns, the facts, the social issues, the complaints & the praise. I feel you looking at me. I look at my phone, my shoes, the long list of patients to attend to. But, I’m done. Emotionally shorted out. I think they call it burn out. Mom, friend, sister, surgeon, lover, daughter…. Today, it’s too much. Too many problems on too many fronts. Too much work. Too little sleep. I can’t make myself look up. I can’t look into another set of eyes. They may draw me in. I might connect. You might pull me in. I might jump in your shoes.. Feel what you feel. I can’t. Today I can’t. I can’t hear about the child hurt in a car accident, the drowning, the child with cancer, your divorce, your husbands infidelities, the baby born with abnormalities and remain detached. It’s like tv. Every damn procter and gamble commercial makes me cry. God damn Hallmark can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. I don’t own enough Kleenex. Only your stories are real… Which is worse…

I promise I will do everything I can to make your child better, to take care of my duties at home, but that’s it… At least for today.

Yeah, I know you want more, deserve more, need more. You need me to look at you and tell you it will be ok, that I hear you, but the side story… the drama… Please, today I can’t … I won’t risk emotional involvement. 

You know what I’m talking about, right? Somedays there is just too much and you want to disconnect. I want to emotionally sign off, check out, escape to my phone, my shoes, the paper list of things to do and patients to see in my hand. The tank is empty, my capacity to give seems drained and I thought it was infinite. Even I’m disappointed.

So? SO? SO? Look me in the eye and demand I look back!! I can. I will. I do. 10 deep breaths can change the world…

We need to be present. To connect. Man… It’s not always easy! But nothing worthwhile ever is! Find humor in the everyday. Make yourself smile a BIG HUGE FAKE SMILE EAR-TO-DISCONNECTED-EAR. Did you do it? Because, smiles just make life better… Even the fake ones… a word to the wise… Go light on the Botox… Because honestly, I can’t tell if some of you are happy or not.

Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll be there for you. Can you be there, too? Let’s CONNECT.