Damn You, Apple Watch!

I consider myself a free, relatively liberated, independent minded woman. So, I was really surprised when I realized this week, that I am controlled by my Apple Watch. 

Yes, it’s true. Its reminiscent of the schizophrenia clinic I attended as a medical student at the University of Florida when my patient told me his thoughts were controlled by the Pope and President … via his clock radio, so he could never turn it off. 

It turns out that the psychology employed in the “activity” app, is surprisingly effective on me… To the point that Monday I opted to risk the watch itself by taking it lap swimming with me! (In fairness, I googled “swimming with Apple Watch” and there were many votes for giving it a try). Yes… I googled it! Because I desperately need to count the laps… OR… It seems I’m going to have to RUN instead! Yep. I would give up swimming for a more painful, more hated, harder on my body exercise that some days I just despise, just for the circles. 

How did it get to this point?  

the horrible circles of the activity app

I guess I’m competitive.. And I really HATE something telling me I haven’t done enough. And worse yet… What if I have done it?

The pathology began when I got the watch and it asked me for a calorie and activity goal… And then the little circles started… And then the notifications… “You haven’t done it” … Coupled with half or quarter filled stupid circle… And even worse, the weekly notification ” you met your goal NEVER … And should change it”!!!! And then came my boyfriend showing me “badges” that “he earned”. What?!?  Well… That got me… Damn you Apple Watch. 

So, I began running, walking, etc on a more regular schedule… Not because I’m not healthy. Not because I’m overweight. Happily filling my little daily circles… Adding Hot Yoga … Logging it…. Going paddleboarding…Logging it. Running, walking… Logging it … And then it happened… I began to get mad when I did exercise and didn’t get a full circle. I was insulted.

It’s gone too far. I’m a slave to the watch. I want it on the second I get up … So it accounts for everything. I want credit for vacuuming and cleaning the pool. I want credit for walking up and down my stairs. I realized in hot yoga that the watch could not possibly get wetter in the pool than in the stream of sweat trickling.. Ok, I lie… Pouring.. Down my arm. 

So, Here I am. Swimming in the UM, gorgeous new outdoor pool, risking my Apple Watch for the satisfaction of circles. Now mind you, I didn’t just get in and swim with it… I took it off, put it in my bag… (want the circles), walked from pool edge to bag and replaced on wrist (this is crazy), repeated this THREE times. Jumped in… Looked at it… Still working. Swam a lap… Still working… Got out (this is crazy) told myself “If you touch the watch again, I’m throwing it in the lake with the crocodile!!!!!!!!!” … thought of Peter Pan… Realized I was losing my mind, and then recognizing I would never swim again if the circles didn’t reflect my effort, I defiantly pushed off the wall and swam 2400 yards. Success… Until I couldn’t find a lap counting swim app. Which I searched for no less than 30 minutes.  Really!  …which reminds me, I never found such an app and need to go back to searching..

What has happened to me? I respond to “incentives” and visual cues like my dog responds to a piece of steak.  I don’t answer my phone with it… even though I like inspector gadget.   I never use it for email. I do like to doodle pictures to people and reply to text messages… But what keeps it on my wrist despite the now clear tan line emblazoned across my wrist, are the circles… The damn little 3 colored get-up-off-your-butt circles…

It’s game on, Apple. I don’t know which of us will last longer… But since you’re only water “resistant”, my guess is that it will be me. I’ll probably be devastated. I’m sure I will run with my apple care plan in hand to resuscitate you. I’ll spend a small fortune to buy the swim version the moment it is “pre offered”.  Can’t stop… Won’t stop…

Damn you, Apple.