thoughts & opinions from a mom, surgeon & aficionado of life

Numb

I want to be numb. I’m standing in the operating room receiving criticism from the perfusion team for my rocking technique of the child’s abdomen. Her abdomen is hot to the touch as heated chemotherapy is pumped in and out of her belly. “Shake and bake” we called it when I was a resident at the MD Anderson Cancer Center. But it’s different… It’s a child. I try not to think about it.. I listen to their cajoling… It keeps my mind from going back to the reality in front of me. Her mom, dad.. How brave she was in the preoperative suite telling me and her mom it was going to be fine. Welcome to pediatric surgery… The specialty where our patients try to cheer us up. 

I talk to her parents after the 10 plus hour surgery. I’m exhausted… Emotionally. I see the hope in their eyes, the fear, the worry. I describe the surgery. And then I walk away and lose it. I want to be numb. If it hurts me this much how can her mom even stand so tall, so brave. 

But numb helps no one. The rest just doesn’t matter. Your Health and that of your kids…and a positive spirit. That’s what you need. Money, comfort, that cute bag, that great school, your college savings fund. None of it matters if you don’t have health.. And health is hard if you don’t have happiness. 

Listen up! Get up, get out, go to your doctor, have your screening tests done on time. Invest in you. Invest in your health. Today is International Day of Happiness. If you’re not happy, find out why and get there. 

Take a minute and say a little prayer or send positive thoughts to my little patient and all the kids out there suffering with cancer and all the people out there trying to put an end to it. 

Be well. Be happy. Make a difference.

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1 Comment

  1. Vanessa Collins

    Prayers coming her way!

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