“Are you Chloe’s mom? I’ve never seen you at pick up before!”

“Ohhhhhhhh… (Add look of distaste as in plunging poo filled toilet) that’s too bad you have to work”

“Oh! We didn’t think you (or your daughter) would be able to come… Because you HAVE to work so much”

Another Facebook post from a female physician detailing the discrimination of a working mom.. 

Yeah, I got it. I watch the clique. The mom’s that honk bolistically in the school zone at the other parents trying to get to the same place… With their 6 year old in the front seat… With no seatbelt. The one’s that gather at the back of the room at school functions and point and sneer, the ones that arrive with their perfect Botox’ed face, remanufactured body in their gym clothes and flirt with your husband. 

I watch with amazement as my working friends and kids are excluded from birthday parties, play dates, mom’s nights out…

I am lucky… My kids are in small classes with a solid mix of moms that work in the home (and school) and moms that work in paying jobs. I mention in the school because there is a group of moms in all my kid’s classes that are in and out of the classroom daily or at least weekly. They organize class supplies, they read, they facilitate gatherings, volunteers and decor. They let the other moms know if there are problems or concerns. They make a difference for their kids and for mine. 

I moved my kids to this school (a public school) from private school after a series of odd comments and events. Things like “Mom, why are we so poor?” “Mom, when you die what are you going to leave me? Do I have a trust fund?” ” we LOVE your husband! He’s great right? It must be hard for him to be alone with the kids all the time” and of course the “have to work thing”.

I had to drive my then 8 year old through a poor area of Miami Dade county so that he understood that while not all people are millionaires, there were some people in our community who were truly poor and in need of assistance. I had to explain to him that there was no need for a trust fund for him… I would spend it all before I die, but that I had every intention of leaving him with the greatest gifts I could- an education and a strong work ethic. And for the beautiful mom who pitied my need to work… I kindly explained to her that yes, I need to work to care for my kids, but I was privleged and fortunate enough to train for over 10 years to successfully obtain the career that I most treasured.. Taking care of other people’s children. 

I have left that culture behind, but I remain curious about what feeds a group of adult women’s behavior to judge and belittle other women. It is a constant complaint among working women that they feel alienated (including their kids) from school and social events because they work. We are each other’s greatest allies, biggest resources and greatest strengths. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating… When our kids are grown and are husbands have passed we will have each other. 

I am lucky to have not faced the mean mom culture directly in the last 5 years. But, don’t let it get to you. If you choose to work at home and school, remember how much your kids and the other moms appreciate what you do. If you have to work or love to work, do it with pride, knowing that your kids will see the value of what you do and benefit from it. The next time you meet a mean mom, tell her how much you appreciate what she does in the classroom, invite her and her child to a play date, perhaps there is insecurity in some women, perhaps regret over giving up a career they loved to take care of their kids. I don’t know the reason for this teenage girl behavior, but if you see it, try to change it, and if you can’t change it, move on. 

IF, just if, you happen to be a mean mom and are reading my blog… Which seems as unlikely as you inviting my friend’s daughter to your daughter’s birthday party, join us. It’s more fun over here. 

❤️